Faking it

Dye runs where butter shouldn't melt...

Welcome to Loose Pass - our weekly assortment of musings, mutterings, tickled fancies and disjointed thoughts. This week we will be mostly concerning ourselves with season structure and faking it...

As we have made clear in this column in the past, we're dead against the rise of play-acting in the great game of rugby.

It therefore follows that we should be happy that Harlequins wing Tom Williams has been busted for "fabricating" an injury in last season's Heineken Cup quarter-final, but we are most decidedly not.

You can remind yourselves of the ins and outs that led to the European Rugby Cup's decision here , but we'd like to skip to the case: whilst Quins boss Dean Richards plus two members of the club's medical team "had misconduct complaints dismissed", Williams has been suspended for 12 months.

Eeh?

Let's get this straight. A young wing, himself recently off the bench and into the action, decided to chomp down on a 'blood' capsule that he had chosen to stash on his person when he realised that his side had lost their two main kickers and that his superiors would send back on a strapped-up Nick Evans in his place.

What's more, he did all this all off his own back.

What a team player! What foresight! What a joke!

If Williams was the lone gunman, who was he winking at as he departed the grassy knoll?

And how did the medic that attended to him not release he was spouting food dye from his mouth? What kind of a quack is he?

And how did the wing know he would be replaced by a match-winning kicker rather than, as is the custom, a wing?

Come on, Deano - it's time to 'fess up.

The ridiculously lengthy ban meted out to Williams - you only get eight weeks for eye-gouging, remember - is surely an invitation for the Quins hierarchy to come forward and admit their guilt.

By keeping silent they are effectively throwing a young man and his rugby career to the wolves.

We await their next move with interest - and very palpable foreboding.

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Without wanting to influence the decision of Deano and co (come forward and confess or we'll put a plague on your houses) let's rewatch the incident in all its faux-gory glory.

Forgive the French commentary, but this cut of the footage includes shots of a limp Evans warming up prior to getting the nod, that Ronaldo-esque wink in super slow-mo, and what appears to be the jettisoning of something unworldly from Williams' mouth as he took his leave whilst in the company of the so-called medic...

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With the spirit of the British & Irish Lions brought back to purring life by the deft hand of Ian McGeechan and his cohorts, it's now time for rugby's administrators to step up to the plate.

The Lions had the tools to do the job in South Africa, of that there is no question.

What they lacked was the will of their superiors and a requisite framework in which to operate.

The cramped European fixture schedules allowed then little more than a week to prepare for the most gruelling rugby adventure on offer, and without a more sympathetic calendar the Lions are destined to extend their run of series defeats to an ignominious, future-threatening four.

Various commentators have grappled with the problem, punting pre-tour games against the big clubs and provinces of Britain and Ireland as a possible solution.

Others have raised the possibility of playing a big-money match in Hong Kong en route to Australia or inviting Argentina to have another bash at the embryonic tourists.

Loose Pass believes these ideas to be misguided.

Kicking off with a big game upsets the momentum of a tour - it should build to a roaring crescendo rather than go off with a half-cocked bang.

Moreover and most importantly, throwing together a side for a high-profile warm-up game does little for the bonding process.

That pre-tour draw with the Pumas in 2005 actually did the squad more damage than good in that it galvanised Sir Clive Woodward's premeditated vision of what his eventual Test side would look like.

All the Lions really need is an extra week to get to know one another. That's not much to ask, but you'd be surprised: the game's administrators makes Bumble the Beadle look like Father Christmas.

Even the week granted to the Lions of 2009 was too much for some, with Northampton Saints barring their sole representative, Euan Murray, from a pre-tour get-together on the grounds that their needs were greater.

In fairness, the Saints had a point - they still had a final to navigate when the Lions began to prowl.

So the solution must surely lie in shorten the season, and pruning it back could be easier than most administrators would make us believe.

The forthcoming Guinness Premiership season loses three rounds of matches to the Six Nations; the Magners League shuts up shop completely during the Championship.

More bizarrely, there are also breaks for the near-meaningless November Tests.

Playing through the Six Nations alone would shorten the English season by three weeks and the Celtic season by five - more than the enough time to allow the Lions to mount a credible challenge.

Administrators would cite reduced earnings for the clubs if they were made to go head to head with Test matches. But stats reveal that the opposite appears to be true.

A total of 80,337 fans attended the round of Guinness Premiership games on the weekend in which Ireland sealed the Grand Slam and England and Scotland contested the Calcutta Cup. Last year's average attendance for a round of GP matches was 70,851.

Indeed, fans are finding that club rugby on Six Nations weekends amounts to an irresistible double-header with clubs cleaning up on beer sales alone as the punters decamp from the stands to televisions in the bar.

There are those who would claim that the absence of their club's Test stars puts them at a disadvantage during Test weekends, but rugby is rapidly become a squad affair and the Six Nations offers tomorrow's stars the chance to shine for their clubs. Heaven knows they need that exposure, and it makes for refreshing viewing.

So where's the problem with shorten the season? Well, the truth is that there's not much money to be made in allowing the Lions to disappear from sight for three weeks to scheme and plot.

But what if some of that scheming and plotting was open to the general (and paying) public?

The experience of the last six months has shown us that rugby men enjoy nothing more than running the rule over selection, and we fancy any self-respecting Lions fan would cough up to see the Possibles and Probables being put through their paces ahead of their departure to foreign climes.

Make it a day of trials with touring combinations being tested in action against, say, an uncapped side from the Premiership.

Or make it two days of trials - or a double-header - and invite an uncapped Magners League XV to join in.

Hell, why not make it four days of trials - London, Edinburgh, Dublin, Cardiff - and resurrect the counties and regions.

The point is that it would be easy to give the Lions the best chance of Test success and keep the accountants happy.

All that is need is the will to act and, of course, a good, feasible idea. So drop yours in the section at the foot of this page and let's keep the pressure on the blazers. Australia 2013 starts here.

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Apologies to the readers of last week's column who took offence to our musing on the brouhaha over Bakkies Botha's suspension during the Lions tour and the Springboks' subsequent protest.

We weren't making excuses for the defeat of the Lions. If it looked like that, it was not our intention. We were simply stating that, within the letter of the law, there was not much else the disciplinary committee could have done once Botha had been called to order by the citing officer.

And given that the appeal against the suspension was turned down, we found the Boks' protest slightly contrary to the spirit of the game.

Yes, the Bok lock might have been unlucky to have been singled out - similar incidents litter every game.

But the law is the law. It can be contested, but it should always be respected. There's a time and a place for protest and a Test match is not it.

But since you are obviously more versed in the law than us, can we please also have your verdict on this incident. And a word or two on this, perhaps. And, if you can spare the time, on this one too, please.

Just a little banter ... promise!

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A bit of a rip-off follows. Hey, it has been a slow week!

Celebrations for the centenary of Twickenham are in full swing, and the stadium's 'Greatest 100 Moments' were recently whittled down and assembled in chronological order.

It will become immediately obvious to you that the chaps behind this list are English to a man, but it still makes for interesting reading...

1: Just over 10 acres of land dubbed "Billy Williams' Cabbage Patch" purchased in 1907

2: First ever match held at the ground, Harlequins v Richmond, 2nd October 1909

3: England beat Wales 11-6 in the first international held at the ground, 15th January 1910

4: Adrian Stoop is the first captain for England in January 1910

5: Fred Chapman's try after just 75 seconds during England v Wales, January 1910 is the stadium's first international try

6: England's first ever Grand Slam is secured when England defeat Scotland, March 1913

7: Twickenham is used for grazing horses, cattle and sheep during World War I, 1914-1918

8: England defeat France, 31st January 1920, as capped international rugby returns to Twickenham following a six year enforced absence due to the outbreak of World War I

9: Army v Navy takes place at the stadium for the first time, Navy winning 23-11, 1920

10: First Varsity match at the stadium takes place, Oxford victors 11-5 over Cambridge, 1921

11: King George V unveils Twickenham war memorial in 1921

12: England record their fifth Grand Slam after beating Scotland 19-0 in March 1924

13: North Stand opened in 1925

14: Cyril Brownlie is the first player to be sent off, England v New Zealand, 1925

15: Harlequins win the first ever Middlesex 7s tournament in 1926

16: England v Wales, 15th January 1927 is the first ever live sports broadcast on BBC radio

17: New East Stand built, 1927

18: England record their sixth Grand Slam after beating Scotland 6-0 in March 1928

19: The Rowland Hill Memorial Gate (now known as Lion Gate), is unveiled in 1929

20: Twickenham's famous baths installed, 1931. These are still a feature of the dressing room although now usually filled with ice

21: New West Stand is erected 1932

22: The Barbarians play London in May 1935 in honour of King George V's Silver Jubilee

23: Prince Alexander Obolensky scores his famous try in England's first ever defeat of New Zealand in 1936

24: England v Scotland, 1938, becomes the first televised game at Twickenham

25: Twickenham is used as a civil defence depot during World War II, 1940-1945

26: Capped international rugby returns to Twickenham as England defeat Scotland, 15th March 1947, following an eight year hiatus due to the outbreak of hostilities leading up to World War II

27: The Twickenham Hermes Weathervane replaces the South Terrace clocktower in 1950

28: 1953 sees the first all ticket match

29: 1954 sees the first ever Watchtower convention - still a fixture in the calendar today

30: Twickenham's original posts are given to Rugby School, 1956

31: England's seventh Grand Slam is won in March 1957 - they beat Scotland 16-3

32: Peter Jackson's brilliant try helps England to a victory over Australia, February 1958

33: England/Wales v Scotland/Ireland celebration match commemorates Twickenham's Golden Jubilee in 1959

34: Richard Sharp's try in 'his' game against Scotland in 1963 helps England to win the championship for the first time in five years

35: England's Andy Hancock scores a length of the pitch try against Scotland in 1965

36: 1969 sees the first official replacement, Timothy Dalton, at Twickenham during England v Scotland

37: England beat South Africa for the first time in December 1969, winning 11-8

38: The RFU celebrates its centenary year in 1971 and is presented with the Twickenham lion

39: England play a President's XV to celebrate the RFU's centenary in April 1971

40: Michael O'Brien - Twickenham's first streaker in 1974 during the England v France charity match of that year

41: Bill Beaumont captains England on the way to the first Grand Slam for over 20 years in 1980 and is chairlifted off the pitch after England v Wales

42: Sir Hector Munro opens the 'old' new South Stand, 1981

43: Erica Roe becomes Twickenham's most famous streaker in 1982

44: The first stadium tour takes place, 1984

45: The rugby world unites during a one minute silence before England v Ireland to remember those killed in Enniskillen in 1988

46: Twickenham becomes an all seater stadium following the 1989 Hillsborough tragedy

47: Rory Underwood scores 5 tries in the 58-23 defeat of Fiji in November 1989

48: Gospel hymn 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot' becomes England Rugby's anthem after Chris Oti scores a hat trick in his Twickenham debut in March 1988

49: Twickenham's tickets become computerised for the Five Nations match England v Scotland in 1991

50: The new North Stand opens in 1991, bringing capacity to 56,000

51: Cornwall defeat Yorkshire in front of 40,000 Cornish fans singing Trelawny in the 1991 County Championship Final

52: Phillippe Saint-Andre's try for France against England, 1991

53: England win their ninth Grand Slam at Twickenham in March 1991 after beating France 21-19

54: Twickenham hosts its first Rugby World Cup final in 1991 - England v Australia

55: The crowd serenades the Queen with "Always look on the bright side of life" after Australia beat England in the Rugby World Cup 1991 final

56: The crowd sings Auld Lang Syne to the East Stand before demolition in 1991

57: England win their tenth Grand Slam at Twickenham in March 1992 after beating Wales 24-0

58: Both Underwood brothers score a try during England v Scotland in 1993 and the camera pans in to their mother celebrating in the stand

59: The new East Stand is officially opened by HM the Queen in 1994

60: The new West Stand becomes fully operational in 1995

61: Disadvantaged youngsters participate in curtain raiser activity before England v Scotland, 1995

62: England win their eleventh Grand Slam at Twickenham in March 1995 after beating Scotland 24-12

63: The first floodlit game was England v South Africa on 18th November 1995 which was also the first international game played in the professional era at the stadium

64: England v Italy in 1996 sees Cellnet appear on Twickenham's first sponsored shirt

65: Rugby Union plays Rugby League in May 1996

66: The Museum of Rugby (now the World Rugby Museum) opens, 1996

67: Various nationalities in the South Stand sing the Marseillaise during France's defeat of New Zealand in the Rugby World Cup 1999 semi final

68: England beat Ireland and Wales at home on their way to win the first ever Six Nations title in 2000

69: Lawrence Dallaglio scores a try against Wales with five defenders hanging off him in 2000

70: Child Victims of Crime charity brings Northern Irish and English inner city children and parents to England v Ireland where they meet the England players, Metropolitan Police Commissioner and the Minister of Sport, 2000

71: Twickenham stages the Lincoln Financial Group Rugby League World Cup, England v Australia match, in 2000

72: Dan Luger's try against Australia, November 2000

73: England record their biggest ever win, 134-0, when playing Romania in 2001

74: "Fortress Twickenham" becomes part of rugby's vocabulary in 2002 after England record 18 tests unbeaten at one ground, which continued into 2004

75: James Simpson-Daniel's try against the Barbarians, May 2002

76: Jonny Wilkinson's try against New Zealand, November 2002

77: Jason Leonard receives his 100th cap in 2003

78: The first championship Sunday game is played in 2003 - England v Italy

79: England Women play their first Twickenham match against France in 2003

80: Rolling Stones play Twickenham's first ever concert on 24th August 2003

81: England, Rugby World Cup 2003 champions, parade the trophy to rapturous applause after the England v NZ Barbarians match in December 2003 and the pitch is covered with a St George's flag

82: Rob Howley of London Wasps scores a last gasp try in the Heineken Cup Final against Toulouse in 2004

83: Jason Leonard's try for the Barbarians against England in 2004 in his last appearance at Twickenham

84: The old South Stand is blown down in 2005 along with 170-182 Whitton Road

85: Martin Johnson's testimonial match against a Jonah Lomu invitational XV, dubbed 'Johno v Jonah', in June 2005

86: Andrew Sheridan and the rest of the England pack demolish Australia's scrum in November 2005

87: New South Stand opens at the England v New Zealand match in 2006, bringing capacity to 82,000, the largest rugby stadium in the world

88: England record their biggest ever win over Wales in August 2007, 62-5

89: Jerry Collins plays for the Barbarians in December 2007 wearing the club socks of Barnstaple RFC after playing for their 2nd XV the previous week

90: Jason Robinson bids farewell after the Barbarians beat South Africa in December 2007

91: Lawrence Dallaglio receives a standing ovation as he leaves the field in May 2008's Guinness Premiership Final between London Wasps and Leicester Tigers

92: The Help for Heroes Rugby Challenge Match raises £1:44million in September 2008

93: New South Stand Rugby Store opens in November 2008

94: Swing Low, Sweet Chariot drowns out the Haka in November 2008

95: Harlequins v Leicester Tigers is the biggest club match outside the Guinness Premiership Final on 27th December 2008, attracting 50,000

96: England demolish France in the first half of their match in the 2009 RBS 6 Nations

97: HRH Princess Anne presents medals to the 7th Armoured Brigade after their third and final tour to Iraq at half time during the RBS 6 Nations match between England and Scotland, 21st March 2009

98: The London Marriott Hotel Twickenham opens its doors to the public in March 2009

99: Andy Binns of Moseley FC scores a try in the EDF Energy Trophy victory over Leeds Carnegie in April 2009 after playing for his club over 250 times

100: The stadium celebrates its centenary in the 2009/2010 season

Got something to add?

Compiled by Andy Jackson